ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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