i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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