My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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