How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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