You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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