so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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