My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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