I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
