A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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