Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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