Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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