Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
