She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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