im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize