I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize