Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
