got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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