i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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