My friends, they love my intelligence
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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