its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He has the fingertips of a God
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