If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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