the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's shark week go big or go home
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
