do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
