oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
