I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
