You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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