Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
