sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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