there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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