I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
false alarm. still invincible.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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