Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
