How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
