White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
