I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
