im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
