Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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