My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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