just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
