Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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