I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize