Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Randomize
