final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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