Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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