u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
