This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
