Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
