FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
