I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
