Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
