how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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