my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
