get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
