do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
