I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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