I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
