this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
