Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
