accomplished twins. life is a go
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
