I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
