Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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