Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
