remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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