If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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