Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
