Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
