just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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