When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
