i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize