his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
