i already hear my dad disowning me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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