Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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