In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she woke up with a sticky ear
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
