She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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