some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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