do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
